Sitting, waiting, wishing.

Sitting on the front porch on a moderately cool winter evening, she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't sitting inside, battling with Newton's postulates, or making love to trigonometric ratios. And though she really couldn't answer the question she had raised in her own head, she realized that one question had encouraged several others to crop up in her mind which was already cramped with chemical equations and mathematical identities.
Now that the protective walls of scholastic learning had fallen all around her, she was exposed to a world unknown to her in several ways, a world which scared the beejesus out of her. Not because she was afraid of what lay out there, but because she couldn't come to terms with what lay out there for HER. She knew she hadn't worked as hard as her peers, had watched American sitcoms while the rest of the batch tried to get into reputed American Universities, had day dreamed of Ballet classes, while her friends struggled to attend revision classes. She knew there wasn't much that she could expect from her mark sheet. But was the mark sheet the sole decision maker of her fate? Would the mark sheet decide whether was to lead a blissful existence or be looked down upon by society?Would it decide that by the end of the day, had she emerged a glorious winner or a big fat loser?All her life she had waited for the time when she would be able to step out of the safe boundaries of her home away from home. Se had loathed it with all her might. But now all of a sudden, she wasn't willing to let go. Not so easily. Not because she was afraid of embracing freedom. But because she was afraid of that sheet of paper that would make or break her.
 Sitting on her front porch on a cool winter evening, she couldn't help but wonder whether her talents and passions would count at all in the big bad world outside. Whether she should have  befriended Rutherford and Pythagoras instead of the long list of friends she was so proud of. And then, it didn't matter anymore. Cause she didn't have to  worry about all of that right  now. All she needed to do was finish a chapter of organic chemistry before dinner.