Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Buzz-Kill-Blackberry.

"It's just a phone"
"It's awesome"
"It's just a phone"
"WOAH. WHY does her BBM status say DMFL? WHO IS DM?
"Does it look like I care?"
"Ugh! You're just jealous because you don't have a Blackberry!"

BITE ME.
You have it. She has it. He has it. Every freaking person has it. And this is why Blackberrys have been annoying the shit out of me for a very long time now :

1. People are CONSTANTLY putting up statuses on Facebook on the lines of  "BBM Pin- FalanaDhimkana57" Not only that, I suddenly have EVENT INVITATIONS for adding people on BBM. What is happening to you, world? :O

2. Kids HALF my age have Blackberry phones. I mean the chunnus, the munnus, even the chotus. Because hey, in this day and age, kids haven't even hit puberty, but hey, they sure have a business phone. Which brings me to the million dollar question -WHAT DO KIDS NEED BUSINESS PHONES FOR? :O Enlighten me, someone? And then of course, coming back to Facebook, how can I possibly ignore the "OH AIMM GEE! I am so happy! Thank you for gifting me the Blackberry daddy! I love you :**** " statuses? Yes kid, the daddy you just screamed your lungs at till he bought that piece of scrap metal for you loves you too.

3. MUNCHING. I know taking screen shots can be fun[hell, haven't you seen my "EEEE! I have this many followers now! =D" posts yet?] But seriously, the world DOES NOT want to know about the random conversation you had with so and so person. And no, I did not find that excerpt from your mundane conversation minutely funny, I don't know how you did. Some of them could be interesting yes, but kindly clarify how . . . .
ABC : So . . . sup?
XYZ : Nothing I'm just celebrating a holi day.
ABC : HOLI? This time of the year?
XYZ : Abbey HOLIDAY! Chhutti!
ABC : Ohh. Why did you leave a space between the two words then? ROFLMAO.
XYZ : LOLOLOLOLOLOL.


. . .  would be the first thing I'd want to see when I log in after slogging my ass off, trying to learn the principle behind the Van De Graff generator? Go on, tell me?

4. BBM DPs.
"Omg! I am with my bee aiff aiff!"
Click.
"Omg! I am at the Justin Beiber concert"
Click.
"Omg I'm in the loo!"
Click.
Well frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. PLUS, you'd be surprised to hear these are considerably tolerable in comparison to what's coming next . . .
"Omg! I am supporting Anna Hazare! Wooohoo. Anna you're the dude! (y)
Shows two women pouting away to glory while the seriously interested folks shoot disgusted looks in their direction.
Ladies, you don't know the first thing about protest marches,do you? Well it starts with,umm I don't know, leaving your phones behind and fighting for the cause instead.


I believe Blackberrys are hyped beyond comparison. Here's why :
1. Sucky memory space.
2. Suck-ier camera.
3.Bid farewell to your beloved cellphone games. Go ahead, say buh bye?
4. Costs you ATLEAST 400 bucks for BBM+internet.
    On the other hand on a normal Nokia handset, Rs. 98-----> Whatsapp+Internet.
5. With all this shit, you'd think it'd cost you a little less. But no my dear cupcakes, you are highly mistaken.

At the rate at which people are buying them,soon the sabzi wala will be found flaunting one, making important calls and sending e-mails to his business associates at the mandi. And no fellas, this is not me being a bitch who's trying to imply that sabzi walas should not be in possession of cellphones. This is just me, being immensely sarcastic.
I still insist, this is a conspiracy against humanity. We're just making it easier for whichever cult or secret society or well,little green men aiding these operations, to control us. One little glitch and the entire world's cellphones will be as good as scrap pieces of metal from the junkyard.And then, the onslaught will commence. . . .
Having said all this, I am well aware of the fact that once this faithful friend of mine retires and a choice is given to me, with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes, I will be found pointing at that little black box in my nearest cellphone store. Well you read the "About me" section alright, hypocrite and not proud of it! Damn you, freaking peer pressure! And sorry, other better, much deserving phones. You are exceptionally talented, well endowed. But you see, I am yet another sheep of the herd controlled by a canadian company[If I were Barney, I'd be ashamed of myself] So tada to you better cameras, better memory space, better battery lives, clearer screens and hello to the menace which has been imposed on me by societal pressure.
For as a wise man[Read: My boyfriend] once rightly said "Oh you will most definitely get a Blackberry Ruhani. The question is WHEN."

Yours sincerely and tear eyed-ly[Yes, I just made that word up. Creative liberties FTW.]
Ruhani

The opinions expressed here are of yours truly. This post wasn't written to offend any individual or group.But 14 year old if you're reading this and you have a Blackberry, it sure in hell was written to offend you.



62 comments:

  1. HahaHahaHahaHaha. This is one helluva ranting session you had with your dear blog bro. Hail Nokia! =P
    P.S. When's the next update of Spin-A-Yarn coming up? I can't wait to write!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. NLFL! [NokiaLoverForlIfe xD]
      Oh by all means, go ahead and write a sequel lady! I have been waiting for someone to write for like three days now! :o I was going to write an ending to it today if nobody sent me a link! :/

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    2. Haha NLFL! Ok I can do it by tomorrow. So would it be part 7 or 8, I'm confused. There are so many of them. Or I can write a sequel in a way for you to end it. Your call bro.

      Delete
    3. Seven I'm guessing. Okay babe :)

      Delete
    4. Chub! Thought of something. Writing the end. Work up for a new story now. =)

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    5. No no don't write the ending! I am writing the ending! Just write something BEFORE the ending, okay? :)

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  2. could not agree MORE. I was LOL-ing all the way to this post, bro. I went echo echo echo. And fuck yeah, about the kids half our size going all over the place with BBM. It's a cultural shock, to say the last when you go to a party and a friggin' 11 YEAR OLD introduces himself saying "Hi, I'm Abu. I'm going to be 12 this year. I have a MacBook and a blackberry and I go to $#@$$ school." -- YES. It happened, I KID YOU NOT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had A LOT more to write, but then I thought it would be downright mean :/ Hahahahahaha didn't you slap him or something? I know I would have =P

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    2. Believe it or not, I felt like I'd been hit by a Stupefy spell :/

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    3. Hahahahahahaha! Okay I laughed out loud. And HARD after reading that xD

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    4. I would have liked it if YOU hit him by a stupefy spell instead =P

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    5. Dude I was so knocked out, the kid schooled me right there xD
      P.s- Update, dear Sciencee child :)

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    6. I want to! But I just can't! :(

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  3. Seriously man! The Chotu's and Chutki's own a blackberry these days.. I've had just 2 phones till date. My present one is a Nokia 7210 supernova which just has a fractured nose.. ( all thanks to my habit of patkoing it umpteen times a day!) And even though it's about to die my dad refuses to get me a new one... Why, Universe, why? :'(

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    Replies
    1. I have a Nokia too. They're the most dependable, I say! :O

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  4. Blackberry is the only good thing Canada came up with (Barney would say this) but then Google kicked their asses! Android rocks! :D
    And seriously, I don't understand the Blackberry hype amongst kids either. WHY? Did they all graduate at 11 and are now corporate hotshots and need to always check their emails? Am I missing something?

    @Ruhani : You too? :-|

    PS. You should read the files on Wikileaks. There are intelligence companies which actually monitor cellular communications for spying. And it was in The Hindu today that more Indian households have cell phones but don't have toilets! :O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EVERYBODY has it man. You see pictures of random parties on Facebook and every second girl will be found pouting with that red/purple/yellow blackberry cover flashing away to glory! :/
      PEER PRESSURE! :(

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  5. I think this is your best so far : )
    Cheers and keep em coming

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  6. Hahaha. Awesome! We are all so crazy about BBM :P

    Love
    http://www.meghasarin.blogspot.com
    Catch me on FB also :)
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/MeghaSarin/276091209123944

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    Replies
    1. YES! And it drives the other people crazy!=P

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  7. Awesome.
    I am a Nokia user though. Even after breaking, three Nokia handsets, I prefer Nokia.

    I used to hear Blackberry a lot often till the last year. But then came iPhone; now with "Siri" ! The place where I stay, Adults use a Samsung or Nokia phone while the kids show off their iPhone, even when they don't have any work with the phone, they just keep flashing. F*ing Irritating!

    Loved your Post, though ! :)
    Take Care. :)

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    Replies
    1. I agree. It is immensely annoying :@

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  8. I think I'm gonna copy it. Any copyright laws out there that applies to this truly awesome blog of yours?;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha of course there are! =P [Right hand side mei hain =P]

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  9. Hahah! Loved the post! Liked the bit about it being a business phone the most.
    See i frankly dont give a damn who prefers what phone, who flaunts which brand and so on, but i think its plain silly that having a BB is considered 'cool'. And that most people merely buy it because its Blackberry and for BBM and no other reason. But hats off to them for having created a phone that isnt that good, but people still hanker for it likes its the best thing that has been invented after the wheel! Pretty cool marketing and perhaps luck. So even people like you, who hate it, STILL want to buy it. Kuch toh hai boss.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It is NOT cool. It's annoying :@
      Yeah I know. And mean whyyyyy? It's like you pay ATLEAST 10 grand for BBM, and then keep paying for it every month too. Suckaaay.
      I know man. That's the irony of life :|

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  10. dont worry Blackberry ke zamaane jaa re hain... the Iphones and the Galaxys, they're the in-thing!

    but YA , this was a very entertaining post :D

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    Replies
    1. Ghazal di! =D
      I really REALLY hope that's true. I want an iPhone SO bad :/
      Thank you =D

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  11. and this is why I dont have BBM...My father offered to by me a BB BOLD but I said no after hearing the whole recahrging for BBM and internet shit.
    NOKIA is the best!
    Also I am a careless woman...Have lost 5 phones in 4 years :/

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    Replies
    1. And then there's the entire National Security issue revolving around BBM anywway. You never know whether it'll be around for long or not :/
      OH YES IT IS <3
      FIVE? Holy moly :O

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  12. Kids in primary school come with blackberrys!!!!! :O
    WhatsApp is better than BBM,no doubt!

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  13. Replies
    1. Okay babe! :) Will post link as soon as I'm done with the conclusion :)

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  14. HAHAHAHA,this is EPIC =D
    BB sucks! Even the track pad stops working after some time :\
    Even i was crazy behind it at a point of time but now i know :)

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    1. Yeah I know :/ That was sort of the only thing I liked about the old Curve :/
      Hahah that is great! =D

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  15. Unique thought . . . just way to go ruhani ... All d best .. :)

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  16. Oh , man !!! you totally killed it. Especially , the last lines ( offending the 14 year old BB holder ) LOL :D
    Yes , yes , BB's are over-hyped and so over-Used.
    What makes it worse : the BB folks don't even know why they are chirping over the top about a buisness phone. * sad *
    And what is with the FUNKY covers they buy for them . Green , yellow??!! eh !!
    Wasie FUN post hai . Enjoyed reading . :-)

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  17. Hahahaha I loved this!!
    I hate it when I see people sharing their BBM pins on facebook, and making events for them and such, rubbing it in our faces that they have one :P

    but honestly, I don't like them that much, I prefer iPhones :D

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    Replies
    1. It's so annoying :@
      I do too man! iPhone ka camera <3

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  18. P.s you have lovely blog, following!

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    1. Yay! 95th follower! Welcome to my blog :)

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  19. Oh Ruhani *gets nostalgic thinking back to the days when the author of this post would give my phone the shitty stare and reiterate that she would NEVER buy this phone* xD
    Welcome to the canthelpusingablackberryclub. :P
    For your games, you have an iPad. For memory space, there are micro SD cards, for cameras, there's your DSLR, but for BBM? There's only the BlackBerry. So call it"peer pressure" but it's actually you reasoning out with yourself and deciding on the BB.:P
    (No I don't love my BlackBerry. It's SLOW and feature-less. But reading about your recent change of stand makes me want to endorse it a little ;) )

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Okay here's a change in plan. I don't think I am going to buy it after all =P
      And I cannot carry all that stuff EVERYWHERE, now can I? =P But the phone, oh yes I can =P

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  20. Hahahahahhahhaha, your posts made me fill my eyes with sobs of laughter.......hahahhahahha, i hate BBM's
    its like, A BBM does not get you closer to someone, but rather it takes the person sitting next to you away.

    I mean, how can people live with 24*7 intrusion in their life?
    I just love the old Nokia classic+ add a music player to it...I too have a Nokia, the kinds which does not have irritating, ovi, android, etc, appas on it, its simple and lets me breathe....
    hahahhaah



    this one time we were at a party, waiting for a girl to arrive,but before she arrived, we got to know what she was wearing thanks to her bbm dp....
    Hahhaaha, kudos!!

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    1. You said it girl, you said it! Naah I don't think I mind the ovi and the apps and all that jazz, but blah, Nokia <3
      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA now THAT is hilarious. And immensely stupid on the girl's part =P

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  21. I thought iPhones were the rage? Everyone I see here, from 6 year olds to the elderly, are all furiously tapping away on their iphones.

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    1. Not as much as the Blackberry, man :|

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  22. Duuuuude.
    I have a blackberry.
    BUT, I am 19. And in college. Its only fair, right? :P
    I used to hate blackberrys as much as you do. Trust me. BUT now, I can't thinkof switching. :P
    Try it. :D

    Btw, amazing blog. :)

    I am new. Check out mine pliss? :)
    www.whenlovetakesover1801.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How is it"fair"? =P
      Naah I don't think I want to :(
      Well thank you lady! :) And will do :)

      Delete
  23. Hahahahahaha! The feeling is mutual!
    THEE MOST ANNOYING THING ON PLANET EARTH! :@

    PLLEEEASSEE dont get one??!! :'(
    Pretty please!

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    1. YUSS IT IS! :|
      Not getting on babe :*

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  24. hahahaha......OMG! This is the most hilarious post ever!!! My man has a blackberry and he caries it in the loo too! I can't even check his phone! Grrrr....

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    1. Hahahaha maybe it's time you threw his phone in the loo too! =P

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  25. Hahahahaha, God I LOVE your blog! Looks and font and features and everything.
    And I agree with every word you say.
    Plus, a qwerty blackberry would mean cutting off my beloved nails, and NOTHING is worse than that.
    Keep ranting!

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    1. Thank you sooooo much =D LOVE it when people tell me that =D

      Delete
  26. sooo freakin truee..!!
    i hate blackberry like hell! trust me its lyk everyone wants to own it jus because there friends or moreover there stupid bfs or gfs tell them to buy one it is such a limited creepy phone.=P
    even i am a NOKIAN!
    hi five*
    eep!!



    Ps iloveyourblog!! xD

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  27. I possess a BB and sadly , i was crazy to buy it once upon a time. I haven't regretted any decision more than this.
    I don't have BBM, and i wonder how the world is drooling over it.
    True that, the bacchaas are BBMing these days! WTF?!?

    The only good thing I find in it would be that it makes me type amaziingggly fast.
    that's it.
    period.
    -_-

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Why you no comment? Waaaaaaaa :(