Friday, 8 April 2011

The ACTUAL B4 Theory :P

Hello once again fellow unfortunate souls,
THAT was a long break. Though it was'nt intentional, I assure you! A lot's being going on lately,thanks to my promotion to 12th grade. Have'nt I told you about that already? I DID NOT? Well, I'm a big girl now ladies and gentlemen, though not many of you would agree to that if you've ever been fortunate enough to have a look at the 5 feet 2 inches person that I am. But without dwelling any further into the Life and Times of yours truly,Ruhani Chopra, I shall oblige you all by FINALLY unveiling, the much awaited B4 THEORY. In the the prequel  to this post, I kind of gave you the background information(for those who have'nt had a look at it,you're most welcome to go check it out NOW---> )
So we parted on a happy note,me getting out of that Hell hole and all. The only thing I liked about that place was well, that i met quite a number of absolutely INSANE people who made that place a wee bit tolerable. Just a wee bit,mind it you. When we were not eating Momos,or playing stupid games on each other's cellphones, or listening to music, or clicking pictures of the teacher's backside,OR playing Sheila/IPL's theme song OR hitting people sitting right across the room with pen caps(the teaching periods were always well utilized,I assure you), we were carrying out our very scientific analysis of our fellow genetically modified(Read: Weird) Homo sapiens. And then after minutes of pain and perseverance,the B4 theory was born.
So without further delay, I present to you, ehem,


Now according to the above mentioned theory, most of the peculiar males found in FIITJEE(though later, it was concluded that in 97.23%* of the cases, this theory is applicable to men OUTSIDE the boundaries of FIITJEE too) can be classified into FOUR crystal clear categories. 

THE Babloo:
The Babloos are easily recognizable. Hell all four of them are,but these are the most abundantly found.If the class is creating a ruckus, and in the midst of the disciplinary crisis, if there's someone sitting right in the corner who's trying to plug his ears and complete a chapter of Physics before the recess, that's a Babloo all right! He's the one who thinks "saara dharti ka bojh usske masoom kandhon par hai". He's the one who blushes if a girl  even says HI to him. He's the one who sits right in front and listens intently, unaware that the scene right behind him is in complete contrast to him. He's the one who sighs and curses the almighty in the rare possibility of a class getting cancelled. He's the Maa Daa Laadla, the Aankhon ka Taara, the Dil Ko Dulaara, the Budhaape Ka Sahaara. Though most people are under the impression that this particular species is characterized by heavy frames, and high waist trousers, and oiled hair and so on and so forth, with changing times, this particular species has evolved, trying to cast off it's stereotypical image, in order to camouflage well.

THE Bunty:
They're the street smart chaps, the ones who think they can start up a "Binness"(Reference, surprisingly:Band Baaja Baaraat.) at the click of their fingers.They'll be found endorsing anything and everything, ranging from New phones, newly opened hookah joints, pubs, bikes, cars and the like. All of which, they assure you, would be provided by this "Jaan Pehchaan Ka Banda" Members of this fraternity can be found addressing each other as "Bhai". They can be found flaunting their "Back", and even though they may act as if they're a bunch of fearless Bastards, remember, they ACT as if they are.  They won't even hurt a fly unless they have their finger placed on the speed dial of one of their "Bhai"s.

THE Bittu:
They're the ones who are of the opinion that they're God's gift to all the women of the world. They take the concept of low waist jeans SO seriously that  they tend to forget where they're waist ACTUALLY ends. Tucked in shirts, wacky belts(that could be Snake/Skull shaped. Jesus.) "Dude type" hairstyles. Talking of hairstyles,shockingly, FLICKS, mind it you, FLICKS are SO their "Thang" nowadays. Bless their souls. If your checklist has atleast 3 of these characteristics ticked, well you can bet half your money on the fact that you just came across a Bittu! They'll be found donning aviators inside a mall,hoping the girl standing next to them won't notice them staring at her legs, till ofcourse, BAM comes the slap! Finally, they'll be the ones inside those cars with the tinted windows, with Imran Khan's music emanating from them.Bewafaaa bewafaa bewafaa nikli hai tu. Or maybe "I wanna Faak you Faak you, you already know". Yes. Even in these times. I could go on an oon.Shady creatures they can be at times, The Bittus.

THE Bobby:
Well the idea for Bobby, surprisingly, came after careful observation  of a TEACHER. The Bobbies are usually characterized by the "Tere Naam" type hairstyle. English language is not usually found on their portfolios. That's it. That is probably the reason they're not easily recognizable through the naked eye. 

Well that is that and this is this. 
I hope my post will help you enlightened souls to distinguish one Wacko from another. 
And now I've got to go involve myself in more important tasks such as sleeping, so Tada to you all! :D :*


  1. It's really witty. :D

    Isn't there a class which has a mixed traits of a few of these which would make these guys a little better?

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  2. Lol.. This was absolutely DHINCHAK! hahahaha!!!!!
    I had my IIT exam this sunday.. And God saved me.. Such creeps around me. LOL. All 4 B's.
    Nice post!
    Keep writing!!! :D

  3. just came across,
    loved your blog, loved your strong choice of words!
    this reminded me of my days of studying for iit

  4. hey..ur creati-wiitty and observation is jus too good..but I believe there are some better categories too for guys..and they definitely deserve a mention in this post..:-)

  5. Sweet mother of Jejus. I wouldn't have come across these species and named them what you did and for what's worth it, I now know them as different species altogether and not just weird blokes! :O

    I suppose writing about the rest of us animals would be a little boring. I'm sure you can pull it off. But the Babloos and Buntys, if not the rest, should definitely read this! haha


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