Saturday, 5 March 2011

The B4 theory :P

Hello there fellas!
My english exam just got over today and I thought this might just be the most auspicious occasion for me to share a bit of my worldly knowledge with you. It's what we call The B4 theory. Lemme explain?

 I had the utter misfortune of enrolling into an institution for engineering coaching  roughly a year back. What the world knows as FIITJEE, is actually a place where young minds make decisions which can change the course of their lives-One,Commit suicide;Two;Let those bastards lead you to a slow,painful death. There's no other way out. Period. On a less bitter note, yes there indeed are two decisions you can make
1. Accept seclusion with resignation. 
THAT is what people in there strongly suggest. The various options in this way of life could be:

A .Become a different species all together, devoid of any social life. Or as I put it, ANY life.


B.Approach your nearest optician,buy yourself a pair of sturdy frames,and promise the guy to be his regular customer since you'll need to keep replacing the lenses with those of higher power over and over again,all thanks to all those books which my Gym-Freak of a cousin could probably use in place of those weights. Sturdy frames because you might want to bang your head around a lot of times, and please, getting them replaced again and again AND again would be such a pain in the ass. You could probably utilize all that time to tackle Fifty solid numericals of Physical chemistry. Screw you.

C. Abstinence. Well not LITERALLY but you know,dictate the terms and policies to your Estrogen/Testosterone charged selves and  swear to abide by them. No ladka-ladki lafdaa shafdaa,okay? Good boy/girl! *Pat self on the back*(Well that explains why sciencees end up being Hornier than the rest,right? Right? Well that's what my own personal experience tells me,what do you think?)

D.Well this is further divided for the males and females
I) Male fraternity:  Equip yourself with a lifetime supply of good old Nariyal Ka Tel and you're good to go! Stereotypical, I know, but that's the kind of guys i came across in there! There are always exceptions, ofcourse.
II)Female Sorority: Lets get this thing straight. You're not going to get into IIT on the basis of the color on your fingernails,or your waxed legs and well made eyebrows. So you can very well say Buh-Bye to them. Caution. In the process you might end up resembling your elder brother and distant uncles and aunts might suddenly render you speechless by addressing you as "Arrey Arun beta,tumhe toh bada time hogya dekhe?" till you,on the verge of tears,inform them in your squeaky voice about the terrible,Terrible mistake they just committed. But don't worry soldier, that tends to happen right? uhh NO?


E. Once you enroll,your parents start expecting you to become a hermit all together. The tearful goodbyes to the Guitars, and the Drum set, and the Jazz shoes and so on and so forth are a heart shattering sight. But yes, they expect you to leave your passions,your talents and "falana dhimkaana" far behind and "focus on your future". Fat chance.

F. Disconnect from the world. Amenities like the television,or the Internet start vanishing off from your life before you can even spell "Amenities"

It's kind of exaggerated,yes, but it's the way I feel at the moment alright? ALSO,there would be a lot of people who will have absolutely no qualms about adopting and adapting to this form of life, but then they are people who
1. Always dreamt of becoming engineers because they find it  interesting and fun(In the 17 years of my life there's just one person who came up with this explanation and who I believed. Aamir Khan in 3 idiots:P)
2. as a friend of mine once said,"Who's life begins and ends behind a desk. People who love crunching numbers for 14 hours a day because they get paid huge amounts which they spend on things they barely use." Bless that kid.

But we're delving too much into one point,let's move on to the second point because..
The second option is ofcourse Absofuckinglutely-  Wait For It   -FANTASTIC.

2. Tell. Them. To.  Kiss. Your. ASS.
Show them your pretty backside and walk off with dignity. That way you get to make your own decisions, explore all the possible avenues, and weell, Have a life! Loads of those places are just all about the advertisement. When they finally pull you into that patch of marshy land,THEN is when you realise that it's just a big fat money making industry at the end of the day. Being there is just like being in a pressure cooker(Just BTW,pressure is directly proportional to temperature,hence increase in pressure leads to increase in temperature which in turn leads to rise in tempers, which will most definitely result in arguments/fights,which in several cases lead to extreme frustration and "bhagwaan mujhe uthaalo"OR "bhagwaan ISSKO uthaalo" type dialogues. A little  extra trivia never hurts anyone,right? :) )

This might even give you a chance to be the perfect "Balanced Bastard",as we christened that brand of teenagers a while ago. A rare species, but with just the right amount of determination and passion,it's a way of life which i believe, is not difficult to achieve. Let me explain
[    ]    I study hard. Check
[    ]    I am open to ladka/ladki lafdaa shafdaas. Check
[    ]    My guitar "Jugnoo" and my soccer sneakers and my basketball and my Jazz pants are not locked away                        in the attic,tearfully awaiting my arrival, but are lying in my room like the Kohinoor in the Queen's crown. Check 
THAT is what i intend to do with my life ladies and gentlemen. YES. i am proud to finally announce that i have ridden myself off the menace of these faulty engineering institutions and that I intend to do something better with my life. Not that i am against Engineers,oh no most definitely not. Just that i never really thought it was something *I* wanted to do,or could be good at. And now that I have finally realized that my talent lies in some other field all together, I Feel Like I Am At The Top Of Thee World. :D
So that's the good news. I almost feel like the Father from those retro Bollywood movies going around with a box of laddoos in one hand  and shrieking"Mubaarak ho. Beta hua hai"  to anyone  who would listen.
But then wooohoo. I did it. And now I am happy.
OkayBye.
But oh wait? I did'nt tell you about the B4 theory at all now, did I? Well for that, you'll have to wait for the next post machas. An element of surprise always helps,right? :)

25 comments:

  1. Hahaha !
    "tell them to kiss your ASS"
    Epic ! :D

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  2. Hahaha! Funny girl ;) I never read blogs that are too long but yours is fun too read :D It would be great if you could shorten them a bit. But well written beta Arun ;)
    Just because Ahmar has science doesn't mean that you can generalize that all Science students are Horny. Not done!

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  3. @Sukhambi. Oohyeaah you bet ;) :D
    @Gujju Seth. Yeah i thought so too! I mean you know me right? And all the bullcrap I talk all the time? When I start off, I CANNOT stop. But sure, I'll try to make them shorter :)
    Hahahah yeah I have kind of become a sort of a Arun over the past two weeks or so all thanks to the terms :P It's NOT just Ahmar, like really. Get to know the whole bunch better, and you'll realise how they're absolutely different from what people usually perceive them to be! :D

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  4. I am glad that you actually got the brains to chuck engineering! Coz it was killing you which is quite evident now! :)
    But nice I like your blogs but please write less and avoid gross details! :p
    "And sciencees are horny!"
    Hahahahahaha!
    Pitegi beta tu toh! :P

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  5. @Shutu. THEY ARE. I SWEAR. You should have met the bunch I was with at FIITJEE,or even those around me! MAN,such nutcases! :P Hahaha gross details? :P Haha weird kid :P
    @Pri. Sarcastically,ya waise bhi? :P

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  6. haha, hi5, literally welcome to the club. I dropped out after 2 months of engineering. And what you said, is true to the T. Engineering people are hornier.. uhm...yes. True Story. Its an amazingly honest post. Yep.

    P.S. I love Calvin&Hobbes, and thus the template.

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  7. Hahaha who does'nt man? Though i must admit, I kind of don't like Hobbes and I won't tell you why :P
    Thank you so much :)

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  8. random people i barely know "what stream do you have beta?"
    jojo"Science"
    random people i barely know "Oh thats great!so you want to join iit?"
    jojo "nahi,iit ke samne choley kulche bechunga."

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  9. HAHAHAHAHAHA. AND don't forget
    "Beta what stream do you have?"
    "Aunty Science"
    "Ohh! Tab toh beta do saal bahut padhna padega!"
    I mean Wtf? Humhe hee padhne padhta hai? baaki sab toh ghar baith kar taali bajate hain na? Hadh hai! :P

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  10. Arrey sacchi! Maa kasam :P
    Ps- Love the header :D
    Only, the colour of the gadget headings clash with the background :/

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  11. bwhahahahahahha! that was a LOT of humor! and hey I couldn't agree more about the "kiss your ass" part.
    And omg "Perfect bastards"- I am so SICK of them. UGH. I feel like a speacial kid when I'm around any of them (which is most of the times, cuz our school goes trippy with sciencees.)
    P.S- tho im not a sciencee.

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  12. It was fun when I was one of them once upon a time. Now,it's not :P

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  13. I am quite sure they will learn lots of new stuff here than anybody else!
    Shop Towel

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  14. Really the blogging is spreading its wings rapidly. Your write up is a fine example of it.


    Web Design

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  15. Wow , that is the longest blog i actually went through.

    Basically , you hate the place.
    You are yet to find a more depressing place on earth.
    And you can't be more happy you left.
    Same here.
    Hi5 Roo!

    That was fun to read .
    -Atta

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  16. @Chhipa and Boundlesstech. Thank you :)
    @Atta. Well then I'd say I am honored,my friend ;) HI FIVE! :D Thank you re :)

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  17. hahahha.....ur too good man!!...i mean i can see you in my shoes a few years back..lol..i mean u almost stole "all" my words away..when i was a +2 sciencee i had the exact feeling like you do..:P..awesome..this calls for a "same pinch" wala *cheers*

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  18. Haha I know what you're talking about! =D
    Thank you so much :)

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  19. Well, I haven't yet read what the B4 theory is all about but I do know one thing. Ranting can be fun. People should do it more often! And come on, there's not such few exceptions in the sciencees guys who don't have oiled hair. Wouldn't want to talk about the other stereotyped aspects much. :P
    hahaha Nice post!

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    Replies
    1. Go go, check it out! *sly grin*
      Thank youuu =D

      Delete
  20. I just did! :O
    Amazing observation. :P

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  21. Certainly funny, but highly stereotyped nonetheless.
    Good luck for whatever you like to do :)

    -
    Nikhil Garg, Male, CS IIT Delhi
    You might've seen my picture in FIITJEE hoarding.

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Why you no comment? Waaaaaaaa :(