The B4 theory :P

Hello there fellas!
My english exam just got over today and I thought this might just be the most auspicious occasion for me to share a bit of my worldly knowledge with you. It's what we call The B4 theory. Lemme explain?

 I had the utter misfortune of enrolling into an institution for engineering coaching  roughly a year back. What the world knows as FIITJEE, is actually a place where young minds make decisions which can change the course of their lives-One,Commit suicide;Two;Let those bastards lead you to a slow,painful death. There's no other way out. Period. On a less bitter note, yes there indeed are two decisions you can make
1. Accept seclusion with resignation. 
THAT is what people in there strongly suggest. The various options in this way of life could be:

A .Become a different species all together, devoid of any social life. Or as I put it, ANY life.


B.Approach your nearest optician,buy yourself a pair of sturdy frames,and promise the guy to be his regular customer since you'll need to keep replacing the lenses with those of higher power over and over again,all thanks to all those books which my Gym-Freak of a cousin could probably use in place of those weights. Sturdy frames because you might want to bang your head around a lot of times, and please, getting them replaced again and again AND again would be such a pain in the ass. You could probably utilize all that time to tackle Fifty solid numericals of Physical chemistry. Screw you.

C. Abstinence. Well not LITERALLY but you know,dictate the terms and policies to your Estrogen/Testosterone charged selves and  swear to abide by them. No ladka-ladki lafdaa shafdaa,okay? Good boy/girl! *Pat self on the back*(Well that explains why sciencees end up being Hornier than the rest,right? Right? Well that's what my own personal experience tells me,what do you think?)

D.Well this is further divided for the males and females
I) Male fraternity:  Equip yourself with a lifetime supply of good old Nariyal Ka Tel and you're good to go! Stereotypical, I know, but that's the kind of guys i came across in there! There are always exceptions, ofcourse.
II)Female Sorority: Lets get this thing straight. You're not going to get into IIT on the basis of the color on your fingernails,or your waxed legs and well made eyebrows. So you can very well say Buh-Bye to them. Caution. In the process you might end up resembling your elder brother and distant uncles and aunts might suddenly render you speechless by addressing you as "Arrey Arun beta,tumhe toh bada time hogya dekhe?" till you,on the verge of tears,inform them in your squeaky voice about the terrible,Terrible mistake they just committed. But don't worry soldier, that tends to happen right? uhh NO?


E. Once you enroll,your parents start expecting you to become a hermit all together. The tearful goodbyes to the Guitars, and the Drum set, and the Jazz shoes and so on and so forth are a heart shattering sight. But yes, they expect you to leave your passions,your talents and "falana dhimkaana" far behind and "focus on your future". Fat chance.

F. Disconnect from the world. Amenities like the television,or the Internet start vanishing off from your life before you can even spell "Amenities"

It's kind of exaggerated,yes, but it's the way I feel at the moment alright? ALSO,there would be a lot of people who will have absolutely no qualms about adopting and adapting to this form of life, but then they are people who
1. Always dreamt of becoming engineers because they find it  interesting and fun(In the 17 years of my life there's just one person who came up with this explanation and who I believed. Aamir Khan in 3 idiots:P)
2. as a friend of mine once said,"Who's life begins and ends behind a desk. People who love crunching numbers for 14 hours a day because they get paid huge amounts which they spend on things they barely use." Bless that kid.

But we're delving too much into one point,let's move on to the second point because..
The second option is ofcourse Absofuckinglutely-  Wait For It   -FANTASTIC.

2. Tell. Them. To.  Kiss. Your. ASS.
Show them your pretty backside and walk off with dignity. That way you get to make your own decisions, explore all the possible avenues, and weell, Have a life! Loads of those places are just all about the advertisement. When they finally pull you into that patch of marshy land,THEN is when you realise that it's just a big fat money making industry at the end of the day. Being there is just like being in a pressure cooker(Just BTW,pressure is directly proportional to temperature,hence increase in pressure leads to increase in temperature which in turn leads to rise in tempers, which will most definitely result in arguments/fights,which in several cases lead to extreme frustration and "bhagwaan mujhe uthaalo"OR "bhagwaan ISSKO uthaalo" type dialogues. A little  extra trivia never hurts anyone,right? :) )

This might even give you a chance to be the perfect "Balanced Bastard",as we christened that brand of teenagers a while ago. A rare species, but with just the right amount of determination and passion,it's a way of life which i believe, is not difficult to achieve. Let me explain
[    ]    I study hard. Check
[    ]    I am open to ladka/ladki lafdaa shafdaas. Check
[    ]    My guitar "Jugnoo" and my soccer sneakers and my basketball and my Jazz pants are not locked away                        in the attic,tearfully awaiting my arrival, but are lying in my room like the Kohinoor in the Queen's crown. Check 
THAT is what i intend to do with my life ladies and gentlemen. YES. i am proud to finally announce that i have ridden myself off the menace of these faulty engineering institutions and that I intend to do something better with my life. Not that i am against Engineers,oh no most definitely not. Just that i never really thought it was something *I* wanted to do,or could be good at. And now that I have finally realized that my talent lies in some other field all together, I Feel Like I Am At The Top Of Thee World. :D
So that's the good news. I almost feel like the Father from those retro Bollywood movies going around with a box of laddoos in one hand  and shrieking"Mubaarak ho. Beta hua hai"  to anyone  who would listen.
But then wooohoo. I did it. And now I am happy.
OkayBye.
But oh wait? I did'nt tell you about the B4 theory at all now, did I? Well for that, you'll have to wait for the next post machas. An element of surprise always helps,right? :)

Yet-Another-mother

*Tak*

*Tak tak tak*

*Tak tak tak. tak tak*

*click*

"Heehee"

What on EARTH is that boy up to? What does he need the Computer for at..uhh..TWELVE THIRTY,bless him, TWELVE THIRTY at night?! 

She was another mother. Yet another mother with such a sharp sense of observation that she could give Hercule Poirot a run for his money. And such an immense talent for, may I say, SUSPICION. His phone beeped,he read the text, he SMILED,mind it you, SMILED, and BANG! She could have bet half her flesh on the fact that he had a Girlfriend in school. What was she like? Did she come from a good family? Was she Punjabi? was she INDIAN at all? Was she a sciencee? Was she NOT a sciencee? Did she want to become an engineer too?For christ's sake was she up to any good at all? Was she the reason he didnt score a 90 in this term? Haaye mera pyaara bacha. Kisi chudail ke changul mein phass gya! So yeah,what may seem like ages of introspection was, infact, the mental picture of,well lets say, Yet-Another-Mother,for the short span of about 30 seconds. Max. Thirty seconds were all she needed to declare that  poor figment of imagination as unethical,immoral,indecent,and though she shied away from the word in her mind, slutty. 

She slept with one eye open, and one ear on the room opposite hers. Even the slightest movement roused her,her eyes flung wide open,her senses were on high alert,and if you had night goggles,you would know that lying on her bed,she slightly resembled a cat,sniffing the air cautiously and all, and I'm not even kidding.

So yes, getting back to where we started off from,she had detected that her laadla was up and definitely up to something. But she had had a looong tiring day, and soon, sleep embraced her into it's warm, comforting arms. But folks, we're not done yet. Did I mention she slept with one ear riveted on the opposite door,scanning the vicinity for any sound of movement, or enjoyment? So yeah,unfortunately for her darling Sonny boy,around half an hour later, a slight unsuppressed giggle of his triggered the entire process all over again. 

It's ONE! ONE A.M FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!She noiselessly pulled her blanket aside,placed a toe on the cold marble floor. The rest followed. She almost glided through the floor. She HAD to find out what was up, AND she had to catch him red handed. oh yes, that was essential. She sneaked into the room and  positioned herself in such a manner that any movement of his could be easily noticed.

Caught you.

"ISHAN! What are you doing?"

He jumped, clearly caught unaware.

"Mum what the hell is WRONG with you? Are you trying to kill me one day before my phase test?"

WHY would I want that? Mera beta toh engineer banega.

She peeked into his Computer screen. Well that would be putting it mildly. She made it clear that she had cornered him. Or that's what she thought.

Real life stories Of True IITians.

"Mom I was just reading anecdotes from this book my Maths teacher thought I should have a look at. SO motivating." He nodded appreciatively at the screen. "Just got carried away. Some of them are really interesting. You should have a look at it too, haina Mumma? Mumma?"

Well, "mumma" was having a tough time accepting her defeat. With a sheepish expression on her face, Yet-Another-Mother skulked out of the room, cursing under her breath.

With a sly smile spreading on his face, Sonny Boy reopened the website he had minimized and watched muted porn for the rest of the night. . 

Who says Sciencees can't have a life, eh? ;)